based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize