She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
