I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
