I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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