i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
