It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
