Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize