I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
