Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
