No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
