Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
