Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mom said you looked used
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
