I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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