you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
