were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
