I'm jealous of your bromance
someone owes me an orgasm
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
