hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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