and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
