I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
