I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
