Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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