I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
