Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
