yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
