Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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