Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
