Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
