I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
