When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
