hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize