no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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