I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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