life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
