Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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