i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
