That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize