the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize