I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
