There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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