youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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