i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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