I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize