Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
