From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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