Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
