Pappa wants mamma naked
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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