Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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