I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
