piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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