I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
