eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
3 2 1 whiskey
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
