Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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