I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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