The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
