$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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