Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
