I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
