There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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