he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
