Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
