She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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