I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
