Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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