What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
