its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
