Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
