I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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