Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Still dying that you shit outside
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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