I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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