Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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