if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize